'Utterly exhausted'- Irish parents heartbroken after abandoning disabled daughter

An Irish mother was on Lunchtime Live recently to discuss the stark reality of caring for a disabled child in Ireland.

The woman, who wished to be named Anna, told Newstalk that she had very little support for her daughter for many years causing a huge amount of stress for the whole family.

This eventually left the woman with no option but to abandon her daughter at the emergency department of a nearby hospital.

The woman's oldest daughter is in her 20s and was diagnosed with having a mild intellectual disability, but Anna said that she questions this diagnosis hugely.

On Newstalk's Lunchtime Live, Anna described her oldest daughter as being “quite challenging” and the responsibility of caring for her has left her entire family “utterly exhausted”. 

She said that they have been reaching out, looking for support for many, many years and when the family heard of another situation of a mother who was killed by her own son, it really hit home for them. 

“That sent shivers through our spines in the family. We were kind of thinking that could be our story.” 

"I indicated that I can't do it anymore....we are utterly exhausted...we are on our knees...we have been doing it for all these years with very little support...the reality in our home is very complex," the woman said.

The woman explained that her eldest daughter causes huge behavioural problems in the home, and described one situation in particular.

“Approximately about two years ago, she was very threatening towards me, very aggressive. 

“She was coming to attack me in the home and I had to use her propelled force to get her out of the door and actually lock her outside.” 

Anna’s daughter moved in with her father and stepmother, who she previously stayed with on the weekend. 

Quite quickly, her father too felt unable to care properly for her, Anna said on Newstalk.

“Her stepmother was assaulted by her,” Anna said. “She's stolen money from her grandmother - who's elderly and unwell - and lies and implicates people in the lies, dangerous lies.

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“We're trying to manage all of this and keep our other young children in our homes safe.”

Eventually, Anna reached the difficult conclusion that she could no longer care for her daughter and she said that even the impact of the stress on the parents and the caregivers to continue on this trajectory would mean that I probably would get some illness,” she said. 

“This is what happened to people in our position.....but that's my fear, that I would die young and I leave two other children without a mother.” 

Anna packed a bag for her daughter with a change of clothes and her medication and she wrote a letter explaining that her daughter needs to be prompted to take her medication, according to Newstalk

They then walked into the emergency department together and Anna walked up to the receptionist and told them "I can't talk a moment, please let me catch my breath".

Anna said that she could barely get her words out but when she did she said: "I am unable to take care of my daughter anymore...I've asked the HSE for help and I'm not getting it. 

“So, unfortunately, I'm having to leave her here and relinquish care of her.....and they said, ‘Do you want to wait to see a nurse?’ And I said, ‘No, I have to walk away now.’

“I walked away to the car where my husband was waiting and I wailed like sounds I never made before...because it was just an impossible position to be in because I love her dearly and I want the best for her.”

The HSE wrote to Anna that her daughter is not considered homeless because she has parents who should be looking after her, according to Newstalk.

Anna has described it as a “bullying letter” and that the care system in Ireland is “utterly broken”. 

The HSE has been contacted by Newstalk for comment.